we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
