In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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