I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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