just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
