But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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