Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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