so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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