No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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