Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
