glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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