At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
