you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
