Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
