You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
