HIV tests are more positive than that guy
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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