I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize