dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
