mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
