I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
