dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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