Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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