i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
