today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
