you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
