So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
