when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
