D3 body, D1 cock
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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