my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
