Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
