Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
