Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize