So drunk its hurt
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
