I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
