oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i think my cat just said my name.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
