Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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