Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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