Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
