You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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