The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Hippo gnu deer
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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