Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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