On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
