i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize