My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
