I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize