It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Nicole vs. Life
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
