fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
