wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
