I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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