absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
