the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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