Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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