Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize