I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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