Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
