Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
