Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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