I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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