dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
