he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
