I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
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